The Hardest Part of Leadership No One Talks About
Most leaders hit a wall at some point: overworked, over-functioning, and still without the impact they expected.
Maybe you’re balancing too much, avoiding a tough conversation, or carrying the weight of your team on your shoulders.
I’ve been there. When I joined the One Million Black Women—Black in Business (OMBW BiB) program, I thought I had leadership figured out. Instead, I walked away realizing I’d been chasing the wrong things.
Learning from NYU Stern School of Business professors was refreshing, grounding, and exactly what I needed. I’d been absorbing leadership lessons from social media but wasn’t making financially sound, strategic decisions in my business.
My business advisor, Tuesday Williams, didn’t just challenge me; she held up a mirror. I thought I was making smart leadership choices but led with emotion instead of strategy. My messaging wasn’t inclusive in the right way and repelled the very people who could benefit from my coaching.
I had to accept this truth: Being right doesn’t build strong businesses or teams. Being willing to evolve does.
‘Jordan,’ a senior executive I coached, faced some of these challenges. And like many leaders, they didn’t realize how much it cost them until it was almost too late.
Jordan isn’t alone in this. You might be juggling competing priorities, absorbing too much responsibility, or sidestepping difficult conversations to “keep the peace.” And if you’re leading remotely or across diverse teams, those challenges multiply.
‘Keeping the Peace’ Causes Chaos Where Few Thrive
Many leaders believe:
- “If I take on more, I’m being a strong leader.”
- “Avoiding conflict keeps my team happy.”
- “Cultural differences will sort themselves out over time.”
But here’s what really happens:
- When you do all the work, your team stops growing.
- When you avoid tough conversations, underperformance festers.
- When you ignore cultural dynamics, some voices get drowned out.
Keeping the peace isn’t leadership. Creating clarity, accountability, and trust is.
They also assume they have to choose:
- Be supportive OR hold people accountable
- Be well-liked OR be effective
- Maintain harmony OR address conflict head-on
What if I told you this is a false choice? That’s exactly what Jordan believed until one moment required them to see leadership differently.
The Question That Changed Everything
Jordan had been leading a team of eight for over seven years. They were sharp, empathetic, and deeply committed to their team’s success.
But there was one problem: Jordan was exhausted!
- They took on extra work to ‘protect’ their team from stress.
- They avoided ‘hard’ conversations to keep morale high.
- They carried everyone’s burdens, but no one was carrying theirs.
And still, something wasn’t working. Their team wasn’t thriving. Deadlines were slipping. Engagement was low. And deep down, Jordan was starting to wonder: Am I actually leading well, or just holding everything together?
One day, they admitted:
“I worry that if I delegate more, my team will think I don’t care. And if I push too hard, they won’t like me.”
I asked:
“What makes you believe they like you now?”
Silence. A long pause. Then, a quiet realization:
“I don’t actually know.”
That moment hit hard. Jordan was bending over backward to maintain a facade of peace, but at what cost to their personal peace? They weren’t creating a stronger team. They were creating dependency.
5 Leadership Shifts That Strengthen Teams
Jordan made five bold shifts that transformed their leadership. See which one would align with your work style.
1) Delegation Isn’t Offloading—It’s Empowering and Offers Clarity
Jordan had been solving their team’s challenges instead of helping them build the skills to solve their own. The shift started with one small change:
Instead of giving answers, Jordan started asking:
“How would you approach this?”
At first, their team hesitated. They weren’t used to having full ownership. But over time, they stepped up—decisions became more independent, and Jordan wasn’t drowning in work.
💡The Empowerment Audit: Review your workload and identify one task you can delegate this week.
📖 Resource: Michael Hyatt’s Five Levels of Delegation
2) Conflict Isn’t Harmful—Avoiding It Is and Stagnates Growth
Jordan had been skirting around an underperforming team member, hoping things would “work themselves out.” But they weren’t improving—they were coasting.
So Jordan had the conversation they’d been avoiding. It was direct but fair. And to their surprise? Their team member thanked them for the clarity.
Leadership isn’t about making everyone comfortable—it’s about creating an environment where everyone knows where they stand and how to grow.
💡The Conflict Reframe: Before avoiding a conversation, ask yourself: “What would be different if I addressed this head-on?”
📖 Resource: “Five Ways Leaders Can Turn Pushback Into Progress” (MIT Sloan Management Review)
3) Leadership Is a Team Sport—Use Your Network
For too long, Jordan had been figuring everything out alone. They assumed leadership meant having all the answers.
But after reaching out to a few experienced leaders, they realized something critical: No leader does this alone.
One conversation unlocked fresh insights, and another offered a framework that made difficult conversations easier. Slowly, Jordan saw that leadership isn’t about carrying the weight alone; it’s about knowing who to lean on and cultivating a community.
💡The Network Activation Challenge: Message one leader you admire and ask for a 20-minute conversation about their leadership journey.
📖 Resource: “Downloading Your LinkedIn Connections” (LinkedIn Help)
4) Managing Stress Is a Leadership Skill
Jordan had been running on empty for months. Between taking on too much and avoiding conflict, they were mentally drained. And burned-out leaders don’t make strong decisions.
Instead of powering through, Jordan committed to a small but impactful shift: grounding before big leadership moments. They started taking intentional pauses before difficult conversations or strategic meetings—giving their mind space to process before reacting.
💡The Centered Leader Exercise: Before your next meeting, take three deep breaths and set an intention.
📖 Resource: “Positive Intelligence: Mental Fitness for Leaders” (Stanford eCorner)
5) Cultural Awareness Isn’t Optional—It’s Essential
One of Jordan’s biggest oversights? Assuming everyone worked and communicated the same way.
After a tough team discussion, they realized that not everyone feels comfortable speaking up like they do. Some team members needed more space to process, while others thrived on fast back-and-forth dialogue.
By adjusting their approach, listening differently, and creating room for diverse voices, Jordan shifted the entire team dynamic.
💡The Inclusion Check: During your next meeting, observe who speaks the most and who rarely contributes. Then, intentionally create space for different voices.
📖 Resource: “What’s Your Cultural Profile?” (Harvard Business Review)
🍵 Small Sips: What This Means for You
🔹 Are you micromanaging when you should be leading?
🔹 Is there a conversation you’re avoiding that could change everything?
🔹 Who’s the one person you should be learning from but haven’t reached out to yet?
Shifting into a different leadership approach doesn’t happen overnight, but it does happen through small, intentional steps. These small shifts changed everything for Jordan. And they can for you, over time.
If you’re ready to do the work, join the Blended Brew™ Executive Group Coaching Cohort waitlist; the program is designed to help leaders like you grow with clarity, confidence, and support.